plane ticket to japan: $1100

Got back from Japan, and I just wanted to talk about how unfair ticket prices are in correlation with the kind of service you get- especially when flying internationally.

I have an AMEX Delta SkyMiles card, and when I fly, I like to earn miles and ask for a pair of those little wings- so it works out. Until now. When we flew to England, Virgin Atlantic did one hell of a job making sure every person had either food shoved into their face, wine shoved into their gullets, or a game controller shoved into their hands. It was a great way to pass the 7-hour flight.

Delta, however, couldn't get any of these points right. Food was subpar, the one 'complementary' drink was horrible and poorly made [on our flight home, the stewardess admitted to having no idea what she was doing], and the in-flight entertainment system was broken for hours upon hours. I will be writing a letter to their customer service department, believe me.
On the flight there, our Atlanta-based crew was barely competent and not very nice. At one point, even, one of them accosted a passenger and accused him of being on Japanese television, as a news anchor. The poor man was confused and clearly wanted to be left alone, and was only left to his own when he answered, "Yes, maybe a little," to the stewardess's "Yes, yes you ARE on Japanese TV, aren't you! You ARE!" Really? You think he'd be sitting in coach...not even business class? Please.

The low point, though, was when that same stewardess decided to make the rounds, shake everybody's hand, and say in her thick southern accent, "Arigatos!" This sounded like, air-ih-gat-toes. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

On the way back, Pete and I decided that we would try to fly business class, since at least we could get some decent sleep and maybe, just MAYBE, their in flight system would work. I mean, when you're flying 15 hours overseas, these are two very important factors!

The countermaid told us that the cost was $3000 for one way, each. What!? That was incredible- is that common? Does anybody know if that's kosher? In any case, we didn't get to fly business class and no, the in-flight entertainment did not work. Surprise, surprise.

I don't think this flight experience was worth the amount we paid- at all. Remember the days of proper flying? Where people got dressed-up to fly, the stewardesses were pretty, and the service was impeccable? Well, I don't- I'm too young, but damn, don't look me in the face while you randomly throw alcohol into a glass and tell me you have "absolutely no clue!"

new glasses: $180

9/6 I get up, go to work, leave for an eye appointment. The optometrist is comprehensive, nice, and I'm excited to finally get my eyes checked and get an updated prescription. The reception-man is sassy, funny, and plays a big part in convincing me to drop my black, thick-rimmed glasses for a pair of sleek, pink-rimmed glasses. Very chic, very cosmopolitan, metropolitan, and other politan.

I leave my appointment excited that I'll break away from the current trend of choppy, short-haired web 2.0ers and cut a path for bolder, light glasses with a punch of color. Aren't I a trend setter? [scoff]
9/13 I'm not able to get my glasses- long story short, I make plans to show up Saturday, when the office is open from 9-11, a mere two hours.

9/15 Saturday- I'm running in at 10 30, and wait for about half an hour. Apparently, I'm not the only person trying to ignite their crusade on fashion by picking up their new pair of glasses. Baby steps, baby steps. The reception-man picks a beige plastic box from under the counter and just stares into it. I'm not sure if he knows whether or not I'm supposed to take the glasses and explain what they're for...or if he just remembered he left the stove on and has to rush home lest his house burn to the ground.

In any case, he stares at the box, then looks at me, then I look in the box, then we look at each other, then we both look at the box, then I look back at him, he looks at the box- What is it!? I look at the glasses and notice 2 things...1) the company sticker is still on the lens and 2) any light shining on the lenses doesn't come off as green. Basically, those aren't my lenses, that's not my pair of glasses. My glasses were. not. made.

He stumbles to explain that oh, well I tried to log into the site on Saturday and couldn't make the order...Mind you, my appointment was Thursday. The reason he couldn't access my health care provider's website is because apparently, my lovely health care provided decided to discontinue their vision plan coverage. Not cancel, discontinue, like an old car model that nobody buys anymore. Ummmm hello!? Luckily for me, the cancellation discontinuation went into effect exactly one day after my appointment. Bottom line, receptionist-man, it's not my fault you didn't put the order in on the damn day I came into your offices!

How am I supposed to wow my coworkers with my exceptional taste in up and coming eye wear!? Does he not understand how un-cute I'll look in all my Japan photos!? Why wasn't I called when they couldn't place the order!? Why wasn't I notified when my health care provider dropped my vision plan? Shouldn't somebody from our HR department at least brought it up? No? Oh ok, my bad.

We had a catty conversation, of course. And I made sure I would only pay the original price I was quoted on these glasses, that they would be IN MY HANDS on Monday, before my flight to Japan, and I let him know that I was not a happy camper.

Lesson one in customer service: apologize. By that, I don't mean this last pathetic line on their printed out 'notice' about the cancellation of eye coverage, "We are sorry this has happened to you." Seriously.

Heroes, Season 1: $40

Been hooked on catching up with Heroes. Well worth the $40. Shut up.

book:$13

I just wanted to point out that books are freaking expensive. You ever bought a book? Probably not, nobody reads anymore. Well, except for random visits to thesuperficial, tmz, or other celebrity gossip holes. I thought I'd treat myself to a new book- nothing fancy, just you know, trying to flex the old brain muscles.

I completely believe in judging a book by it's cover. Cover artists are supposed to lure me, the potential reader, in by merely looking at the cover- so if they've succeeded, who am I to fight it? If you've reeled me in, the next thing is to flip the book over, and read the blurb. Looks good! Something I can reallllyyy sink my teeth into, ah- now, time for a price check.

Thirteen dollars!? For a book!? No wonder my mom grabs the first books off of the el cheapo rack, regardless of title, and throws them into her handcart. They always turn out to be books about angels, human/pet bonds, or some nature picture-book. Needless to say, not exactly a prime example of classical American literature.

Damn you, large book-selling chain of trendy community college goers, in your dark-rimmed, plastic glasses, with your choppy haircuts, tight pants, and rounded flats! Many a fist was shaken at this cheating store. Thirteen dollars, indeed! How about I just stay in the store for free, plop myself down with the book, and spend my thirteen bucks on a handful of mocha-lattes?

Then it hit me! Here I was, indulging in as much big-city fantasy as this crappy excuse for a township has to offer, ready to shun the book-buying business in lieu of the over-priced iced-coffee drink racket, when it occurred to me that I would be able to read a book, in my own home, with my own coffee, stretched on the couch in nothing by my tank top and skivvies. How?

Visit the library. So, please- God knows all authors need somebody to buy their books, but if you're poor and just want to relax and not hear the ever-knowledgeable younger generations argue over who is the better politician, Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart, then go to the library! It's filled with real smart people.

brighthouse bill: $97 a month

Since I felt really good after letting out all that parking garage frustration, I thought I'd jump into some brighthouse love. Brighthouse is the local company that dispenses the almighty cable/internet in my area.

Riddle me this, current resident:
Does your cable cut out?
When you schedule a repair, does the company never call you as requested?
Do repairmen and technicians never show up within the time schedule?
Does your company refuse to dispense refunds or help when they royally screw up?
Do their technicians and support personnel make fun of you when they think you're on hold?

Well then, my friend, you live in a Brighthouse. Dealing with poor service and even worse help is nothing new- I bet even the Pilgrims got mad at their neighboring natives once in a blue-corn moon, but this place is ridiculous.

After a particularly difficult conversation [I swear, verifying my OWN information is like pulling teeth with these people- Yes, I'm aware YOU have my name spelled wrong on the bill, YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED IT!!], I decided enough was enough. Off with the cable. I'll catch Heroes, Weeds, TopChef, and Project Runway at my boyfriend's.

No, YOU have to pick up the box and the remote. There is NO reason why I should lift a finger after driving home many times only to have a technician miss an appointment, sans phone call. No, no, I will NOT be paying a fee to lay the line down again. Yes, you WILL be crediting my account. NO, I will be home from 2-5 and you will come within that time, as originally scheduled...you know...3 weeks ago.

Currently, it costs $2.70 per gallon, for gas. My car gets 24 miles per gallon. That means, each mile costs me $.11. From the parking garage back to my house is 1.3 miles- and double that is 2.6 miles, which means, for the 4 times Brighthouse made me drive home for nothing, I am owed a grand total of $2.86!

That's a gallon of milk, a cafresco at cafe Roho, some seeds to plant pretty flowers, 2 items at the dollar store, and the list goes on! Stupid Brighthouse!

Also, yeah customer service lady, I know you don't control the weather, but- rude!

parking pass: $50

If I were some sort of architect, engineer, or urban planning person, I'm pretty sure I'd excel at math. Maybe? What? Oh, I guess in Florida that's about as stable a thought as trusting state machines to count a votes regardless of hanging chads. And no, that joke is not old- Florida still sucks and its inhabitants are lower on the IQ scale than Forrest Gump, but nobody's momma is going to screw the school principal in hopes of bypassing 'five measly little points.'

In any case, tell me why our downtown parking garage is by far, the worst structure of modern engineering known to man. Maybe just a simple concession that the people/contractors -or whoever- messed up too much to tear the damn thing down and start over. It's not even enough that the building is poorly built, but the management and technology used to clock in/out the cars are deplorable. Yes, big word- deplorable. English? They suck peppered donkey haunches.

My printout shows that you didn't come in today.

Ok well...here I am! So...I'd like to get out.

My printout says that you never came in, so I can't let you leave.

...Wow..that's weird because I'm pretty sure I AM inside the damn garage. Please press the little button or whatever it is that needs doing so that I can go home and have some delicious pre-packaged diet food.

I can't let you leave since the printout...

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET OUT OF HERE.

That's happened not once, not twice, not even thrice- but more times than I can to recount. Oh, and to my coworkers. Thinking back on this post, sounds like a trivial situation, right? Hmmm well maybe you're better than me.

My stretchmarks are slightly itching, means it's time go watch the rest of Family Guy and wake up early to park in the garage.