brighthouse bill: $97 a month

Since I felt really good after letting out all that parking garage frustration, I thought I'd jump into some brighthouse love. Brighthouse is the local company that dispenses the almighty cable/internet in my area.

Riddle me this, current resident:
Does your cable cut out?
When you schedule a repair, does the company never call you as requested?
Do repairmen and technicians never show up within the time schedule?
Does your company refuse to dispense refunds or help when they royally screw up?
Do their technicians and support personnel make fun of you when they think you're on hold?

Well then, my friend, you live in a Brighthouse. Dealing with poor service and even worse help is nothing new- I bet even the Pilgrims got mad at their neighboring natives once in a blue-corn moon, but this place is ridiculous.

After a particularly difficult conversation [I swear, verifying my OWN information is like pulling teeth with these people- Yes, I'm aware YOU have my name spelled wrong on the bill, YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED IT!!], I decided enough was enough. Off with the cable. I'll catch Heroes, Weeds, TopChef, and Project Runway at my boyfriend's.

No, YOU have to pick up the box and the remote. There is NO reason why I should lift a finger after driving home many times only to have a technician miss an appointment, sans phone call. No, no, I will NOT be paying a fee to lay the line down again. Yes, you WILL be crediting my account. NO, I will be home from 2-5 and you will come within that time, as originally scheduled...you know...3 weeks ago.

Currently, it costs $2.70 per gallon, for gas. My car gets 24 miles per gallon. That means, each mile costs me $.11. From the parking garage back to my house is 1.3 miles- and double that is 2.6 miles, which means, for the 4 times Brighthouse made me drive home for nothing, I am owed a grand total of $2.86!

That's a gallon of milk, a cafresco at cafe Roho, some seeds to plant pretty flowers, 2 items at the dollar store, and the list goes on! Stupid Brighthouse!

Also, yeah customer service lady, I know you don't control the weather, but- rude!

parking pass: $50

If I were some sort of architect, engineer, or urban planning person, I'm pretty sure I'd excel at math. Maybe? What? Oh, I guess in Florida that's about as stable a thought as trusting state machines to count a votes regardless of hanging chads. And no, that joke is not old- Florida still sucks and its inhabitants are lower on the IQ scale than Forrest Gump, but nobody's momma is going to screw the school principal in hopes of bypassing 'five measly little points.'

In any case, tell me why our downtown parking garage is by far, the worst structure of modern engineering known to man. Maybe just a simple concession that the people/contractors -or whoever- messed up too much to tear the damn thing down and start over. It's not even enough that the building is poorly built, but the management and technology used to clock in/out the cars are deplorable. Yes, big word- deplorable. English? They suck peppered donkey haunches.

My printout shows that you didn't come in today.

Ok well...here I am! So...I'd like to get out.

My printout says that you never came in, so I can't let you leave.

...Wow..that's weird because I'm pretty sure I AM inside the damn garage. Please press the little button or whatever it is that needs doing so that I can go home and have some delicious pre-packaged diet food.

I can't let you leave since the printout...

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET OUT OF HERE.

That's happened not once, not twice, not even thrice- but more times than I can to recount. Oh, and to my coworkers. Thinking back on this post, sounds like a trivial situation, right? Hmmm well maybe you're better than me.

My stretchmarks are slightly itching, means it's time go watch the rest of Family Guy and wake up early to park in the garage.